“They’ve been good to me.”
“I can’t walk away now.”
“I’ve invested so much in this career.”
You might recognise one of those thoughts if you’re wondering whether to leave your job. Perhaps something isn’t working any more, but leaving feels ungrateful, or you worry about letting people down.
Loyalty can make a career decision surprisingly difficult. You can care about your colleagues, appreciate the opportunities you’ve had and still want something different.
So how do you work out whether staying is right for you?
What’s the difference between trust and loyalty?
A post by Rachel Botsman about trust and loyalty in branding got me thinking about how these ideas might apply to our working lives.
Her distinction between trust as confidence and loyalty as commitment offers a useful starting point.
In a job, trust might mean believing that your manager will follow through on a promise, that your contribution will be recognised or that you can raise a concern and be heard.
Loyalty might be your commitment to the team, the organisation or the work itself. It can come from years of shared experiences, support and a sense of belonging.
The two often go together. But what happens when you still feel committed, even though your confidence in the organisation has changed?
When loyalty makes it hard to leave
Perhaps you’ve been promised opportunities that haven’t materialised. Perhaps the organisation has changed, or the job no longer gives you enough of what you need.
Yet you stay because you care about the people. You remember a manager who supported you through a difficult time. You worry about the extra work your departure would create.
Those feelings deserve consideration. They don’t disappear just because you’ve made a list of reasons to leave.
But it’s worth asking how much weight they’re carrying in your decision. Are you choosing to stay because the job still works for you, or because leaving feels difficult to justify?
There may also be practical reasons to stay: income, flexibility, caring responsibilities or the security you need at this point in your life. These matter too. Understanding what is keeping you there can help you make a more considered choice.
Could trust be rebuilt?
Before deciding to leave, consider what would need to change for you to feel confident about staying.
Try to be specific. “I want things to be better” is hard to act on. A clearer request might be a manageable workload, an agreed route to progression or more opportunity to use your skills.
For example, you might say to your manager:
“We discussed giving me more responsibility, but that hasn’t happened yet. Is it still possible, and what would need to happen over the next three months?”
Their response can help you assess what is realistic. Is there a clear plan? Do they follow through? Is there evidence that things can change?
You can also decide when you’ll review the situation, rather than waiting indefinitely.
Of course, some problems are outside your manager’s control. And you may already have had these conversations several times. That is useful information too.
You can appreciate a job and still move on
A job may have been right for you for many years. It may have helped you develop, introduced you to people you value and supported you through important parts of your life.
Wanting to leave doesn’t erase any of that.
Your needs and interests can change. So can the organisation. Appreciating what a job has given you doesn’t mean you have to stay indefinitely.
If you decide to move on, you can think about how to leave with care: giving a thoughtful handover, acknowledging the people who have supported you and maintaining relationships you want to keep.
Questions to help you think it through
If loyalty is making your decision difficult, try writing down your answers to these questions:
- What do I still trust about this job or organisation? What has changed?
- What am I loyal to: the people, the work, the organisation or the career I’ve built?
- What would need to change for me to want to stay?
- What evidence suggests that change is possible?
- If I felt less guilty about leaving, what would I want to explore?
- What practical considerations would I need to plan for?
You don’t need to decide everything today. Your next step might be a conversation, some research into other roles or simply being clearer about what you need from work now.
If you’d like help thinking through whether to stay, change something in your current role or explore a different direction, you can read more about my Career Coaching.
